He exists

I woke up with a boom of thoughts.

My mind automatically reviewed my current situations --- how things went wrong and the small business I started and took risk for is inadequate to provide for even my personal needs.

A week ago, me and one of my staff rebuilt a broken gazebo tent (destroyed by water which accumulated on the not-so-durable roof) that houses one of my kiosks in a university. I pitied myself for not having enough  money to even buy a better, more durable one. And all the negative things came rushing through my head (happens to me very often).

Weirdly, it led to my curious argument again -- is there really a God? Very funny, because I am a Christian. And my wife and I just finished an annual "prayer and fasting" week-long activity. It's so frustrating how I shift from a highly spiritual person to a very logical, scientific/logical person without warning.

I had so many questions:

-is there really a god? Or just made up by humans for coping for their spiritual needs

-they say the bible is the manual of life and that parts of it were quoted from god himself. But these compiled documents are still writings by humans right? And let's say that some or most of it were really true, how are we sure that what a specific author of the book has written in it, is really how we understand it? I mean there are tons of possible understanding or perception of the verses. Is there really no universal truth or meaning on  what the chapter/verses are saying? should we just rely on what's relevant and how it meant you? If then, it could really be dangerous. We're talking about OPINIONS here, human opinions. Even if someone says that they are consumed by the spirit, how do we really know?

Here's the ODD part... I BELIEVE nevertheless. It's like having two minds (or maybe I'm schizo).

Despite the doubts that enter my mind whenever I think of these facts, I still know that there's someone out there who created us, and really loves us. I just don't agree that it's 100% like what the books says, since human beings still wrote it. And you'll never know the factors that has got into the authors that could change a few or many details. And a few wrong details can be detrimental and should not be underestimated.

Despite these thoughts, the one thing I'm sure is that He exists. I feel Him. His love. I'm just looking forward to knowing Him more as time goes by. I just don't want for my expectations to be enclosed based on a book written by humans. I'm excited to experience the real deal. And I'm sure I will, because He exists.